When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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