she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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