He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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