that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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