You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
