I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
