Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
