Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i love accidental penises.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
