evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
