His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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