You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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