I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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