is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
