She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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