I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
