I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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