OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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