you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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