If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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