She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
