How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
