you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
