If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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