I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
