All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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