I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
