I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize