You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
