You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
