Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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