great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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