it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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