That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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