she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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