dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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