I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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