Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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