She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
