how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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