I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
