Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
