So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize