Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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