Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
