I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
