i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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