How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
