how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
