One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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