I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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