He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
