haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
