Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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