there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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