I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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