I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
