hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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