Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
