Cold hands, warm shart.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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