i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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