Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I see more hoeing in ur future
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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