I didn't shave. On purpose
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
