Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
