i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
