Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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