Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
