i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
