I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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