Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
