so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize