I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize