I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
