During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
