We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
